It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
