My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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