My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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