you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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