If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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