I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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