I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
