apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize