When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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