I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
