Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
