I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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