I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry about my life...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
