we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
