Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
