4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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