Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
