So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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