He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize