I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
