i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
