the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
