I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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