Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
