you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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