just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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