Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
