I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
