need another drink. this is the easiest way
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
