if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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