The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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