My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
