she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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