Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I forget how to act sober
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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