I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's rum buckets o'clock
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two words: blizzard sex
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
