i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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