If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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