so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
