Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
