every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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