Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
