Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
