they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
