He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
