butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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