Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't notice because vodka
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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