I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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