You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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