Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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