you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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