So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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