hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
