Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
