I didn't shave. On purpose
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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