Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you will always have a special place in my vag
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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