Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
