dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
