Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
how drunk are you?
Several
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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