i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
