Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
