hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
