i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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