I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
