I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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