he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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