Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This baby is an asshole
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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