He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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