and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
