I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
