my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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