Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
