so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
