That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
