So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
