Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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