girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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