jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
