I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
