I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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