just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this is an emotional support booty call
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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