YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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